If people would just listen to me......

...I can help you avoid awkward racial situations at work, on the train at Walmart, wherever the races mix. See I got me a white mom and a black daddy, I'm mixxed which with all of the burdens (checking the 'other" box for my vital stats) also comes with plenty of perks (I'm black enough to use the N word casually if I choose, but light skinned enough that I don't scare the lady on the elevator). The biggest perk is I can talk about and judge both black and white folks without seeming racist and I think its time I used my powers for good, to give something back to this crazy world where the best golfer is a black man (Tiger) and the best rapper is white (Eminem). So as a public service, please listen, I'm not trying to offend, just speaking from my heart:

#1 WHITE PEOPLE Please if you find your self in the slightly uncomfortable position of having to discuss race with a casual acquaintance, a co-worker, a neighbor, your kids best friends parent PLEASE don't say "i don't even see color people are people" or "My best Friend in college was black". Those things are dirty lies. everyone sees color, its the first thing we see after gender, we are human beings living in a world that constantly tells us how important weight, gender, color and looks are. Of course you see color don't patronize me. And just because the university screwed up and gave you a black roommate in college 20 years ago don't give you a ghetto pass. If your a white girl from Enon Ohio I don't expect you to have a whole bunch of black friends or listen to Ludacris. If your parents raised you right our cosmetic differences won't matter, you will by nature and upbringing respect me just like you would everyone else. DON'T TRY SO HARED

#2 BLACK FOLKS If your chillin, minding your own business and you happen to see a newsworthy event go down, a shooting, a car wreck a drug bust whatever PLEASE don't go running for the Fox 5 reporter and cameraman to tell your version of the story on film if: (a) you have on a shower cap house shoes and an old Kid and Play t-shirt on(b)you have trouble with complete coherent sentences with clauses (c) Your name or the names of any of the people your going to mention are Pooky, Junebug, TT or Latrina. See at that moment, on camera you are representing not only your hood but your race. The black side of my family is still in the hood, I have lived there myself and i know for a fact we all don't talk or act like that. Poverty does not have to equal ignorance so please don't become a living stereo-type and undo all the hard work that Martin, Malcom, Rosa and Oprah have done. Its rude.

#3 WHITE PEOPLE Talk to me the same way you talk to everyone else. If your a 50 year old, white mid level exec at Blue Cross and when I bring you the copies you requested you say "Thanks my brother" it comes across as condescending. You wouldn't say "thanks my brother" to you white dentist. Also if the conversation happens to go to rappers or hip hop PLEASE don't attempt to beat box as a representation of hip hop. When you do that your devaluing an art form I happen to love and laughing at my culture. I will Watch Flava of Love or listen to 50 cent if I want my culture made fun of or my art form devalued thank you very much.

#4BLACK FOLKSDon't play the race card, or at least avoid it at all costs. We all do it from time to time, I know I have. What I learned though is there are enough times in life when you really are discriminated against that you don't need to look for racism in every little thing your boss says or does. Just wait, the discrimination will find you. Save your righteous anger for the real bigots, that associate at the Gap wasn't rude to you because your black, she was rude to you because she makes 8 bucks an hour folding pants and just argued with her boyfriend for not picking up diapers on the way home. Don't cry wolf.

There are so many more to discuss. I would really like some comments from white folks and black folks about what bugs you about the other races. Don't worry about offending people, if your comment is hateful I wont publish it. just be honest. I will do an updated list later on.

Buck Fush

Decided to switch it up this go around and post a heart felt hate filled tribute to our president. Not only does he have the lowest IQ of any sitting president, he has the uncanny ability to take a polished speech, written by brilliant speechwriters and make it sound like a conversation your dad and the neighbor guy have about fertilizer at the neighborhood picnic. He is what you might called un-polished. Anti-intelligent if you will. Here is my song.................


BUCK FUSH..............................

George bush is the best president we ever had
just like his dad

i saw him speak last week
he speaks so eloquent
he's so intelligent

if u cant see the sarcasm in this song
your dead wrong
was gonna call it FUCK BUSH..i thought better
went back to the title, and inverted the letters....it gave me:

BUCK FUSH I'M SICK AND TIRED AND I'VE HAD ENOUGH BUSH
ALL THE WAY FROM JERSEY DOWN TO NUT-BUSH
MIDDLE FINGER IF YOU HAD ENOUGH...BUSH

BUCK FUSH I'M SICK AND TIRED AND I'VE HAD ENOUGH BUSH
ALL THE WAY FROM JERSEY DOWN TO NUT-BUSH
MIDDLE FINGER IF YOU HAD ENOUGH...BUSH


I KNOW THIS MAN, THE RICHEST MOST POWERFUL RED NECK I SEEN
HE DON'T GIVE A DAMN, ABOUT THE RED WHITE BLUE OR BLACK JUST GREEN

HE'S IN COMMAND, OF TANKS AND PLANES AND TROOPS AND PEOPLES LIVES
PLEASE UNDERSTAND, IN HIS WAKE HE LEAVES DEAD SOLDIERS WIVES

MISTER MORALITY, MR I'M WITH GOD, I WROTE THIS JAM FOR YOU CUZ I FIND YOUR LOGIC FLAWED, LOOKIN DOWN FROM YOUR PERCH ALWAYS PREACHIN FROM THE BIBLE BUT JESUS AND THE CHURCH OUGHT TO SUE YOUR ASS FOR LIBEL
HYPOCRITES, YOUR PLANS INSIDIOUS, YOU MANIPULATE YOUR PEOPLE LIKE A BUNCH OF IDIOTS, IF I CRITICIZE THEN I'M NO PATRIOT? i WANT TO SAY FUCK YOU BUT INSTEAD I JUST SAY THIS:

BUCK FUSH I'M SICK AND TIRED AND I'VE HAD ENOUGH BUSH
ALL THE WAY FROM JERSEY DOWN TO NUT-BUSH
MIDDLE FINGER IF YOU HAD ENOUGH...BUSH
BUCK FUSH I'M SICK AND TIRED AND I'VE HAD ENOUGH BUSH
ALL THE WAY FROM JERSEY DOWN TO NUT-BUSH
MIDDLE FINGER IF YOU HAD ENOUGH...BUSH

I KNOW THIS MAN, THE RICHEST MOST POWERFUL RED NECK I SEEN
HE DON'T GIVE A DAMN, ABOUT THE RED WHITE BLUE OR BLACK JUST GREEN

HE'S IN COMMAND, OF TANKS AND PLANES AND TROOPS AND PEOPLES LIVES
PLEASE UNDERSTAND, IN HIS WAKE HE LEAVES DEAD SOLDIERS WIVES

Ok I'm gay big freakin deal

I believe that is the closest I have ever come to coming out publicly. I mean yeah I told my family, and there are a few times I had to battle small minded idiots on other websites, but i don't define myself by my sexuality.

Everybody else does.

Let me give you a few examples. I live and work in Atlanta Georgia in a really nice office building in the upscale neighborhood of Buckhead. Now if your not familiar with Atlanta it is well known as the black, gay mecca. Lots and lots of black gay boys frolicking about, much to the disgust and dismay of the local clergy, not to mention the black single females who are looking for a good man.

Hey,sisats, I feel your pain. Its hard enough trying to find a black man in this city who #1 is not in jail, #2 wont beat your ass on the regular cuz 50 cent makes it look cool, #3 has a job that does not involve mixxing cocaine in baking soda on a stove. Slim pickens indeed. Now my beautiful ebony sisters have to worry about their new man checking out their ex-man? Yikes!

Back to Buckhead. So like most cubicle jobs in most big cities their are like 20 women to every one man (and considering this is a company with about 70% black employees its more like 30 to one why? see above paragraph) so I'm surrounded on a daily basis by beautiful,black women, looking for a man. Now look, I ain't no supermodel, but I think I'm reasonable attractive, intelligent friendly guy. What some females might call a good catch. So naturally I find my gay self in these rather uncomfortable situations when I sense a co-worker likes me. Too bad some of these females have been burnt by other gay boys playing straight (The DL syndrome, another blog for another day) so anyway, I'm on the elevator with these 3 chics who have seen me at work but don't know me. They are giggling, obviously talking about me when one all of the sudden says "are you gay' OK, here I am in an elevator full of folks I don't know, at work and all of the sudden this chic that looks like a Flava of Love Reject is forcing me to discuss my sexuality in public.

5 years ago I would have lied my ass off "Hell naw I ain't no fag" I would have had pictures of old girlfriends from high school in my cubicle. I would have went so far out of my way to prove to these people who don't know me that I'm straight, because I didn't want people to not like me before they even met me (hey get to know me, I'm sure I will eventually give you a legitimate reason not to like me)

So this chic asks me, in a packed elevator filled with the older white executives from the 4th floor, the young black mail room guy, all kinds of people whom i don't even know, much less want knowing my private business. So instead of answering this chic I just say "baby girl, let me ask you, do you suck dick?" she of course was offended like "why you ask me something like that" and i was like "cuz that's what you just asked me, only i asked you in a more direct less passive aggressive manner."
As fate would have it the bell rung, that was my floor, sometimes God is just in a good mood and fate allows you a natural segue to your next scene in life.

This happened again, this time a black dude whom I didn't know, also worked with me. On his first day he asked me "dude, are you gay" I was like "man whats my last name" he was like "I don't know" so I replied "You don't know my last name but you feel comfortable asking me about my sexuality?"

I'm a proud black man who happens to be gay. I would not say I'm proud to be gay because alot of times it really sucks (no pun intended) I'm in love yet I cant hold hands with my soul mate at the movie theatre, when I go home to my parents, all my siblings have rug rats running around, i just have a cat, so being gay is no picnic. You will never see me marching in a gay pride parade. That's not how I roll. Why would I define myself by my sexuality? I get up in the morning and cook eggs. nothing to do with gay. I go to Kroger's to get a bottle of tide (nothing to do with gay) i spend my day bitcing at folks in traffic, being amazed at how rude the waitress is and hanging up on telemarketers (nothing to do with being gay) the only time my sexuality comes into play is the 1-2 hours a day i spend having sex (yes i said hours, I'm a Scorpio) so why oh why would I define myself as something that only matters 5% of the time? Shouldn't I be marching in the "Please hold for the next available operator" pride parade because that takes up alot more of my time than being a homosexual does.

I have nothing against the drag queens, the in your face activist who march in those gaudy gay parades screaming for equal treatment while dressed in Cher drag, hey they got our attention, however i feel my job as a gay man is as just as important if not more so. I want to be the regular dude, the funny guy who is fun to go to lunch with at work, the writer who loves to play piano and write treatments to screenplays. The son who argues politics with his father, and family issues with his mother. The music fan who can tell you every hip hop album that went platinum in 2007 and what record label they were released on. The political activist who likes to tell anyone who will listen that George Bush's IQ is lower than mine. I'm all those things....and I happen to be gay. By the time you find that out (hopefully) it just doesn't matter.