Half and Half

I bet you thought this was going to be about coffee creamer didn't ya? Well homey, Starbucks doesn't sponsor this page, I do so sorry to all you french vanilla freaks but today its all about being mixxed. that's MIXXED not FIXXED. If today's post was about being FIXXED I would be talking about neutering my cat, or how they count votes in Fla. No I'm talking mixxed, bi-racial,an Oreo, zebra!

Ya see, my biological mother is a white lady, I'm talking white. I mean her name is Maureen, that's Marsha Brady's real name for sobbing out loud, the whitest chic ever! My Bio dad? Black as can be, I'm talkin fight the power, his last name is Blackshear! Nuff said. Being a product of this, depending on the day I feel either really really lucky or one Prozac pill away from the loony bin. I mean, us bi-racial dudes? We are crazy as hell. I don't know how to act half the time. Remember the Rodney King verdict in 1992? The LA riots that followed? I...like...looted my own store! (that was weird, I knew the combination to the safe, but then I caught myself on the security camera)

If we ever have a race war I would be useless. Just beating the crap out of myself in the corner.

Now there are some advantages to being mixxed. For one, I can say pretty much whatever I want to black or white folks. I'm an equal opportunity offender. Another plus is the Puerto ricans LOVE me. They think I'm one of them and speak to me as such, even though the only Spanish I know is from the Taco Bell menu.

Random Spanish dude: Como se yamos?
Me: Nacho Bel Grande?
(note to self Mexicans do NOT find this amusing)
On the minus side I almost got deported twice.

Another plus is white folks feel a lot more comfortable around me. If a dept at my job needs a black dude so it will look more diverse? I'm the go to negro. "you speak so well Greg" I, with my light skin and ability to complete a sentence using a clause give them a level of comfort that they don't feel when dealing with Jamal in the mail room. Being mixxed around a bunch of white folks is, at times like being an undercover agent. I can not tell you the number of times growing up when I was the only black dude in the room and someone let the "N" word slip. "Oh Greg, we did not see you, we don't even think of you as black" Wow how...um white of you.

The other day I was discussing this with one of my white friends (I have 2, this was #1)named Becky. "But Greg" Becky cried "Your mixxed. You were raised by white people in an all white community, why do you consider yourself black?"
"Ah Becky, poor sheltered, privileged vapid Becky. See I never considered myself black or white or anything growing up....until the white folks started calling me nigger. When your a mixxed kid in an all white town, the white folks will help ya out with your racial identity. Oddly enough I have yet to be called cracker by a black man, but alas.

Anyway...when people ask me if it is a good thing or a bad thing to be a mixxed guy. I simply tilt my baseball cap to the side TI style, pull up my baggy jeans and in my most proper queens English accent say..."Half and Half"